The Turtle

On August 15th 2009, my younger brother Jon passed away at the young age of 28. He was swimming at Leighs Mill Pond in South Berwick Maine. One of the hardest parts of death is not truly knowing what happened. How did someone with such strength and great swimming skills drown? Jon was in great shape and he had plenty of experience in swimming as he was previously in the Navy. Never being able to say goodbye and get one last big bear hug and the chance to tell him how much I love him has been the hardest part of moving on. Jon and I were not just brothers, we were best friends. He was loved by all and shared his heart of gold with everyone; whether he knew you his entire life or had just met you that day.

So with summer approaching and the warmer weather, some of my favorite memories of Jon are resurfacing in my mind over the past month or so. For 14 years Jon and I played on the same summer league soccer team and even won the championship in 2008. Jon himself was named Most Valuable Player for the championship game.
Jon was a competitor, a great sportsman, and most importantly always had his teammates backs. He was a strong rugged man who when at full speed looked like a tank moving down the field and if you knocked into him you would find yourself on the ground and probably in pain. A week and a half ago we had our first summer league game for the 2010 season. For the start of the game we played a man down and had Jon's jersey out on the field in the right fullback position where he usually played. Right after the kickoff the ball was kicked out of bounds and I subbed in for Jon, grabbed this jersey and brought it to the sidelines where I gave my dad and older brother Mike big hugs.
I ran back onto the field choked up with tears being fought back as best I could. We won the game 6-2 that night and I scored the second goal of the game. At the end of the game, our team met out on the field and spread some of Jon's ashes; a place where he spent much of his time. A lot of other things remind me of Jon as every time I smell a grill going I think of Jon grilling out on the deck, making his famous 1 pound cheeseburgers. Every swimming place reminds me of Jon's rule that you should always have time to pull your car over on a hot day and jump in the water. I cannot explain to anyone how much I miss my brother because it is something I still don't grasp myself, nor do I think I ever will.


So with all these memories going through my mind lately you could say I have had a little bit of a hard time dealing with this. Sometimes the best cure is to let out a good cry, yet I had been struggling to do this as of late. So on Wednesday before work I put in the dvd of Jon skydiving. This dvd was made by the company he skydived with in Lebanon Maine, in fact he did this just a couple of weeks before he passed. The dvd has commentary of Jon before he gets on the plane, while he is on the plane and then great footage of the actual jump and landing. Within the first minute of the dvd the tears poured down. A combination of happy and sad thoughts juggling through my mind. Then it hits hard as at the end of the dvd the quote "Life is a daring adventure or nothing at all" comes up across the screen. The truth to the way Jon lived his life and a quote that I know will carry on with him forever now.

So despite shedding the tears, something still wasn't right. I missed Jon as much as I ever have. I missed hearing his voice and seeing that smile on his face. I wanted to see him so bad, I wanted to hug him and never let go. I wanted him back on the soccer field making his opponents shit their pants as he ran straight at them with that killer look on his face. I wanted to grill up a cheeseburger and have a beer with him. Just anything!!! Anything!! I needed a piece of him to end this little funk I was in. Just some sort of reminder or sign that he was ok and still with me in spirit. Then it happened...Friday after work and tennis was over I headed to my dad's to mow the never ending lawn; something both Jon and I always dreaded. Of course with him being gone this task has become even harder without his help. Now when Jon was growing up he was one of those kids that could catch anything; snakes, frogs, toads, turtles and the like were always common and usually caught in bunches. He even caught a duck and a fawn once. So as I am pulling down the driveway, I see what at first sight looks like a rock. As I get closer I see it is moving a little and thats when I realize it's not a rock, it's a turtle! I get out of the car and walk up to my new found friend and realize that this is very unusual for a random turtle to be in our driveway as the closest water is hundreds of yards away...
Could this be a sign from Jon? I was a little skeptical at first but kept thinking maybe Jon knows how I am feeling and this is his way of saying hi and telling me he is well. I get closer and decide to pick up my new friend and as the turtle begins to pee all over my hand I knew the truth as the tears started. Without a doubt this turtle had Jon's spirit and he was telling me to keep my head up high. Hold onto the memories and someday I will see him again.


Stay Classy New Hampshire!