Four Years

Four years ago tonight I got a phone call that changed my life forever. My sister Alexis was calling and she could barely get the words out through the sobbing tears. My body froze as i received the news my mom had been hit by a car and killed. I had no reaction like this was just a bad joke. Reality still hadn't hit as I made a phone call to my younger brother Jon, he was at work in Newington and was going to meet my sister and I at my dads so we could break the news to him together. The next phone call I had to make was when my emotions caught up with me. My older brother Mike was in Chicago on a business trip and breaking the news to him about mom was when the tears poured down my face. Knowing my brother was miles away and hearing this news alone with no family around killed me. I just wanted to reach through the phone and hug him.

A half hour later Jon, Alexis, my brother in law Steven and I met at the top of my dads driveway. We exchanged hugs and tears then slowly made our way inside the house. I had never felt as much pain for someone as I did at that moment. My dad who was my role model, my hero, a man who was as tough as nails, break down and sob. It was like watching his heart break right in front of me.

My mother Cathy Anne Allen was born in 1950. She grew up in Somersworth NH and graduated from UNH where she met and fell in love with my dad. She loved working with kids and taught in the Dover and Somersworth school systems for over 25 years. She also worked with children in the theater, directing numerous children's plays. She treated and loved each kid as if they were her own. My dad grew up on a dairy farm and one of his favorite memories was when my mom went to the farm one day. She was being chased by one of my uncles through the field and while running full speed she slipped and fell into the cow gutter which was full of manure. My dad panicked and thought she would be upset and probably never want to go to the farm again. Instead my mom stood up and laughed. That was the moment my dad says he knew they were meant to spend their lives together. That's the way my mom was, always happy no matter what the situation, with a smile that could light up any room.

My mom always had a passion for kids. Loving, teaching, making them laugh and most importantly never giving up on them. Her love for kids was the reason she had four of her own. Alexis, Michael, myself and Jonathan. My mom was always my safety, whenever I was sick, scared, or sad as a child, the first place I longed to be was in my mom's arms. I remember when I was young and didn't feel well she would hold me in the rocking chair rocking me back and forth while singing me lullabies. It was the safest place in the world.

When I was five years old I was with my mom at a Care Pharmacy, I asked her several times if I could get some candy and she said no each time. I then took matters into my own hands and stuck a tootsie roll down my sock and made it all the way home before she noticed. She then drove me back to Care Pharmacy where I had to return the candy to the cashier and apoligize. What did she teach me? Right from wrong, do the right thing and when you do make a mistake as we all do at times, make it right.

I feel my moms presence everywhere I look. I see her in the flowers in the garden, I see her in the clouds and stars in the sky. I see her in dad, in Alexis, and Mike and I saw her in Jon. I see her in her grandchildren the generations to become. I see her each and every morning in myself, the person I have become. The love I have for kids and working with them in teaching and coaching. My mom lived a wonderful life even though it was cut short, I know she is up there right now watching over me and my family as proud as ever, bragging about the family she created and how we are not just family but best friends, and that's the way she raised us. I know someday we will be reunited and hopefully thats many years away, but when it does happen, I hope she has that rocking chair ready cause I am climbing up into her arms for a lullaby.

Four years ago I lost my mom in a tragic accident. I do not remember the last time before the accident I saw my mom. I never got to say goodbye, to give her a hug and tell her how much I love her. This accident has changed not just my life and my family's life but many people surrounding my family. Don't take life or people for granted. My mom is gone forever. My niece and nephews have lost their nanna forever. My dad spent 35 years with my mom and I still believe the hardest part for him is never saying goodbye. 35 years with his true love and just like that their gone.

Time has helped heal my wounds but my life has been changed forever. Never again will my mom be present for holidays and birthday parties. Never will I eat one of her home cooked meals. She will never meet Stacy and see us get married someday. If I have kids some day she won't be there to spoil them with the gifts and love. They say everything happens for a reason. Sometimes it doesn't make sense, but here is what I have learned. Cherish your friends, cherish your family, tell them you care, tell them you love them. My mom may be gone, yet I know throughout the rest of my life she is still right beside me. The pain comes and goes and I am lucky to have so many wonderful memories of my mom. People often ask what I miss most about my mom and the most simplest answer is everything!